Hey y’all!! Continuing with the series on relationships, I figured we have to discuss the most important part of any relationship: communication. Friendship or any other kind of relationship at some point will require correspondence of some kind. So let’s get to it! Pull up a chair and let’s talk communication.
First, what is communication?
Communication is imparting or exchanging information or news. That’s Webster’s definition, but I find that it is much more than that. It’s really about a connection. An exchange as simple as ordering coffee fosters a bond, albeit a very superficial one, with the barista. And of course, as you you spend time with someone and communicate with them, you learn who they are as people, what they like and dislike, and their mannerisms.
There’s an old saying that communication is 7% verbal and 93% nonverbal. Even though that statistic is false, it does raise the point that there are different facets of conversing. Tone of voice, body language, word choice, eye movement, facial expressions, and more play into our ability to relate with each other. If it wasn’t for that, then sarcasm wouldn’t be a thing. And that’s not even going into the media of communication that only feature one of those parts, like email, text, or phone calls.
Communication is the foundation of our relationships
Which is why effective communication is so vital in our lives. How can we truly connect with some, and I mean that deep, fulfilling type of connection, if we can’t have a conversation with them? Unfortunately, we tend to find ways to hinder that kinda discussion. There are two major issues that I have noticed in my own life, and that I’ve done myself quite a bit.
We’re not listening as well as we think we are
I’m sure you’ve experienced this: someone is talking to you and you start thinking about something else. Next thing you know, you’ve missed most of what they were saying, and they have to repeat it. Or while they’re talking, you’re thinking about how to respond to them. This is really the root of quite a few of our communication problems.
We aren’t actually listening to other people
The first scenario is a matter of attention, which I’ll get into in a second. But the second is a matter of ego. Some times we want to share our opinion, without really considering what the other person is saying. We aren’t listening to understand, we’re listening to respond. And if we can make that shift to listening for the sole purpose of understanding the other person, our lives and conversations would change dramatically.
As for the attention problem, we are constantly bombarded by stimuli that drag our consciousnesses in every direction. So in reality, it kind of makes sense that focusing on listening to a person would be difficult. There are a couple of things I’ve found that help with this.
First, remember that listening is an active process,
We call it active listening nowadays, but it basically means that you are a participant in the conversation You ask questions, provide feedback, and such to keep yourself focused. This is just me, but I believe that even though it has a fancy name, active listening is just regular listening. So if you’re not actively listening to someone, then you aren’t actually listening to them. This has been a tough one for me to swallow since my mind tends to drift quite a bit. But I find I learn more, enjoy conversations more, and deepen bonds with people more when I listen.
The second helpful thing I’ve found is meditation
I’m planning on writing about meditation at some point so I’m not going to dive too deeply right now, but it’s essentially a way of building your focus. That’s the TL;DR, but it really has so many more benefits for our body, mind, and spirit than I can highlight right now. But the focus part is what’s important to us. Meditation can boost our attention, and that can be crucial in conversing with other people so that you can really internalize everything from your discussions.
The other problem is that we avoid talking to people with different opinions
Here in the USA, we’re living in some of the most polarizing times in this country’s history. White supremacists are being vocal about political policy, “liberal snowflakes” and “cucks” need to “man up”, and it seems like many people are taking the “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” stance. Ironically, there probably has never been a time where talking to someone with different beliefs has been more important. But it’s happening less and less.
Now, obviously, there are some things that you can’t really discuss. If someone’s whole philosophy is that your race shouldn’t exist, it might be kind of hard to talk to them and affect some kind of change. Especially if they are acting on that belief system. But the interesting thing is that there are so many stories of people changing their thoughts about topics based on conversations. Consider the story of Nelson Mandela and his prison guard, Christo Brand, for instance.
Incidentally, taking a polarized stance might feel good, but it causes more problems than it solves. The only way to really reach a resolution with other people is to understand where they’re coming from. And then from that place of understanding and empathy, we can work together to reach a compromise.
Communication is the theme of this blog
My whole goal with Let’s Talk Humans is to foster conversations between different types of people. Sure, we won’t always agree, but at least we can discuss and come to a deeper understanding of one another. And in that way foster a connection that brings us closer together as a species.
I want to thank you for talking humans with me today. If you haven’t already, please subscribe! And please share! As always, I’d love to hear your thoughts, so drop a comment, hit me up using the Contact Me page, or find me on Instagram @ryokeniii. Also, don’t forget to talk humans with someone this week. Talk to you later!