Hey, y’all!! This week’s post is about the thing that controls our actions, beliefs, and our very thoughts. So pull up a chair and let’s talk perception.
A disagreement with a friend brought this post about
I won’t dive into the specifics, but let’s just say I was incredibly confused. I was calm about my argument, only used facts, and was sure that nothing about what I said could be disputed. But the conversation ended with “let’s agree to disagree”.
For the next week, I racked my brain for how that conversation could have gone differently, how anything I said could’ve been misconstrued, how I could’ve laid things out differently. I eventually realized that it all came down to a difference in perception. Let’s dive into that.
The root word of perception is to perceive
Perception is all about how our senses take in the world around us and how that information is utilized. It’s a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something. Basically, it’s the lens through which we see the world. It’s like everybody on Earth is wearing glasses with different colored lenses. Some are red, some are blue, some are fuchsia, some are violet. A few might be similarly colored, but every single one is different.
There are things that are arguably always true and constant, such as the acceleration of gravity on Earth being 9.81m/s^2 in the downward direction or the sun rising in the east. But the ways these constants are understood and interpreted, and what is done with those interpretations vary from person to person. I feel like this is what causes a lot of the discord between people: we all see things differently and sometimes we refuse to try and see from another perspective.
Differing perspectives aren’t a bad thing
In fact, I’d argue that differing points of view are crucial to our existence as human beings. There is always something to be learned. Even if sometimes that lesson is to just be extremely wary of some opinions.
The problem becomes when we refuse to even consider someone else’s perspective. This is an issue because that act is the basis for empathy. So without considering the thoughts of another, it is impossible to understand them, and therefore impossible to empathize with them.
I think the most important thing to note here is that we can consider other points of view without actually adopting them. Like, we don’t have to be racist to try and understand why someone would be racist. And even if we disagree with that perspective of the world, we don’t have to hate them. In fact, I feel like the people we disagree with the most are the people we need to try and understand the most. But how do we even do that?
First, pause
It’s incredibly easy to just react to something that we perceive, which makes this step the hardest. Shit, most of us aren’t even aware of our reactions. So when someone says something, we need to take a moment and pause before responding. Easier said than done unfortunately.
But this step is crucial. The good news, or bad news depending on your perspective, is that we can do this almost all the time. This step is about listening to our own thoughts and pausing when we witness something that we feel some type of way about. Because no matter what is said, it’s our thoughts that drive our feelings and our view of the world. So the only way to change that view is to witness and address those thoughts. Which is the next step.
Second, ponder
Now that we’ve paused and borne witness to the thoughts, we have to ponder them. I like to think of it as playing with an idea. Mainly because you’re trying to see if the idea fits and makes sense. It’s like making something out of clay or playdough; we have to stretch, mash, mangle, and mold the thought in our mind.
This entails every angle of the idea to determine if any of it could be true or valid. In order to do that, we have to let go of what we think we know and open ourselves up to the other perspective. Just like we can’t fill a glass that’s already full, we can’t ponder anything new if we’re not willing to.
For me, that can be the hardest part. Just being willing can be excruciatingly difficult at times. But I’ve found that once we are willing to consider, we usually do consider. And after pondering, we get to the last step.
Third, respond
I couldn’t think of another p-word, so this will have to do. But responding is interesting, because no matter the situation, we have to answer ourselves first. Our internal state has to be addressed before the external because it’s the inner world that shapes our perception of the outer world. But no matter who we’re responding to, it’s important to be as calm and respectful as possible. How other people act is a reflection on them, so how we treat ourselves and others is a reflection on us.
I feel like as difficult as it is, it’s crucial to be respectful in all interactions. It isn’t us vs. them, but rather us and them vs. the perception. And if it is a situation where the other party is excited, it’s important we hold ourselves to our high standards, no matter what. Also, I find that there’s something immensely satisfying about keeping a cool head while the other person explodes.
But it’s important to remember that the end goals of empathy are truth and understanding. Because only through those can we truly coexist and experience this life of ours together.
I want to thank you for talking humans with me today. How do you try and gain perspective? Let me know in the comments below. Share this with someone you think will gain something from it. And don’t forget to talk humans with someone this week, even if it’s a socially distant conversation. Stay safe you guys, out!