Hey, y’all!! Today we’re talking about an integral part of life, especially if you interact with any other form of living being. So pull up a chair and let’s talk forgiveness.
I have a tendency to hold grudges
It’s not something I’m proud of at all. And I work every day to try and address it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever considered myself a very forgiving person. But due to some recentish life events, I’ve been dwelling on the topic quite a bit.
But the concept of forgiveness is a nebulous one. People talk about forgiving and letting things go, but what does that actually mean? Why is it important? And more importantly, how do we do that? Let’s just start with what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is the conscious decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance towards a person or group that has harmed us
One of the interesting things someone asked me was if forgiveness is a feeling or an action. And I feel that it’s both. Feelings of resentment or vengeance are deeply entrenched in the psyche. They’ve been nurtured over time. Time, usually the healer of all things, and intention created them.
This means that time and intention must uproot them from our minds. Forgiveness is an action that causes a feeling. In fact, I would describe forgiveness as an action that has to be repeated in response to those feelings. It’s a skill that we can train, nurture, and improve at.
I LOVE this Mandela quote
In it is an important insight as to why forgiveness matters. Like, it’s not about justice or getting even. In fact, Mandela befriended his pro-apartheid prison guard and invited the prosecutor who sent him to prison for lunch in the presidential mansion. It was about letting go. It was about bringing himself peace.
Resentment is one of those emotions that can eat us up inside. I use this quote from the Buddha often, but “holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.” Holding on to anger can give birth to resentment. Unless we decide to break the cycle.
Forgiveness is a process
We have to continuously decide to forgive people. It’s important to note that this doesn’t mean that the relationship has to be reconciled, that we received an apology, or that the offending party is even sorry. But it’s a reoccurring thing. Every time that emotion arises, we have to decide again to forgive.
Which really entails feeling the emotion, and then accepting responsibility for it. That doesn’t mean that we’re the cause for our emotions (even though we might be). The main thing, and most important, is that it takes us from a position of victimization and puts us into a position of power. That means it puts us into a place where we can learn from and address the issue.
Because the alternative is waiting for the other party to change. We’re effectively giving them power over us. And there’s a better chance of sprouting wings and flying than getting someone else to switch up. In a situation like that, it’s important to take ownership, so that we can try and address what we can about the problem, rather than allowing it to persist.
Forgiveness is integral to the human experience
We all deal with forgiveness at some point in our lives, whether we’re forgiving or being forgiven. And it affects not only our relationships with other people but also with ourselves. We have to learn to forgive so that we can live a life at peace.
Thanks for talking humans with me today! How do you go about forgiving people, especially yourself? Drop a comment below. If you have any topic you’re interested in reading about, feel free to hit me up and let me know. And don’t forget to talk humans with someone this week. Later y’all!