Hey y’all!! So I injured my back on Wednesday (herniated disc) while working out. And since I’ve been in the process of healing, I’ve been really thinking about how we take care of ourselves physically and mentally, AKA self-care, and how it affects our lives overall. So pull up a chair and let’s talk self-care.
First off, what is self-care?
So self-care is pretty straightforward: it’s taking care yourself. That means that any action taken by an individual to improve their physical, mental, or emotional well-being is classified as self-care. There are myriads of things that fall into the category of self-care, such as meditation, exercise, and proper nutrition. Melissa Hartwig, who we talked about when we discussed Whole30, has a practice of buying herself flowers, since it’s a way of showing her love for herself.
Many people are familiar with the more recent focus and movement around self-care, especially among millennials and younger people. I would argue that’s a good thing. We only have one life to live, so we should be doing everything we can to make sure we enjoy it. Which means taking care of ourselves, and putting ourselves in the best position to be happy.
But there’s a dark side to self-care
It sounds hypocritical to say that something that’s all about improving the self could be bad. But really, the main thing is that what people consider to be self-care isn’t that clearly defined. In parts of modern self-care culture, anything that makes us feel good could be defined as self-care. Which isn’t exactly the case.
But the truth is, true self-care comes from true self-love. Because self-love makes us consider whether what we’re doing under the guise of self-care is actually beneficial. Like for me, I know I love bubble tea. So if I decide to get some as a treat, I know that I won’t regret it later. I’m not going to hate myself after I drink it. But that might not be the case for someone else.
I feel like doing something we know we will regret can’t be considered self-care. Because even though it might make us feel good in the short term, in the long term it detracts from our well-being rather than adding to it.
And that’s part of the dark side: it’s about pleasure rather than growth
“Treat Yo’self” culture stems more from escapism rather than actual healing. Not saying that getting something that pleases us is wrong or isn’t self-care, but knowing the underlying reason why we’re partaking in an action is crucial. Which goes back to self-reflection and self-awareness. We have to know ourselves to know how to best care for ourselves.
As such and as the name suggests, self-care is individualized
I mean, there are some things that are pretty much always beneficial when practiced correctly, like exercise, good nutrition, and meditation. But with that being said, there are different methods of expressing self-love, and those will differ from person to person. And we all need to take time to discover what works for us.
If you don’t know where to start, using someone else’s template for self-care is a good beginning point. But remember it’s just that, a template. You might have to tweak some parts to suit yourself and your lifestyle.
It’s about preserving and protecting your equilibrium
Life can be draining at times. We all have trials and struggles that we go through on a daily basis. And self-care is really about making sure we are at our best to tackle the challenges that life will throw at us. And since we are affected by life in physical, mental, and emotional spaces, and all of those spheres are connected, we need to make sure we grow, rest, and rejuvenate so that we are better equipped for those kinds of battles.
But interestingly enough, we’ve only discussed additive measures of self-care. We can also care for ourselves by subtracting. Said differently, removing things from our lives often times is an equally important practice. Distancing yourself from toxic people in your life is a basic, yet profound example of this.
Believe it or not, people have energy, and they exchange it with each other in different ways. Which is why watching how people affect us is important in taking care of ourselves. There’s a saying that goes “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with”. So it’s important to remember that your environment affects you, whether you notice it or not. And being aware of that means you can shift your environment in a way that serves to uplift you, rather than drag you down.
The main point is this though: self-care is rooted in self-love
Any action we take that enhances, heals, or brings us peace is self-care. And those actions stem from the love we have for ourselves. We do those things for ourselves because we care about ourselves, and because we know our worth. Since we view ourselves as enough, we therefore do things to give ourselves the best quality of life that we can. We have to look at ourselves honestly and unflinchingly, staring into the depths of ourselves.
And then through that, we accept what lies within. We accept our strengths, weaknesses, and flaws, and we choose to love ourselves regardless. Only then can we truly grow, heal, change, and live. Only then can we be the best versions of ourselves.
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First of all I want to say that this was a great read. I appreciate how you made the distinction between actual self-care and self care culture. I think the latter tends to lean towards more escapism at times. I like to think of self-care in terms of recovery. Most people grind all day and self-care to me is that moment where you get your energy back. Where you heal and take that time that is so desperately needed to be yourself. There is no growth without stimulus but we must always remember that growth happens during recovery not during the grind. Great read as always.
Hey Roman, preciate the kind words!
Your description of self-care is extremely accurate and concise. True self-care is recovery of mind, body, and spirit. Like you said, growth happens during recovery, not during the grind. And that’s true with pretty much any situation, from learning new material for class to gaining muscle mass in the gym. I feel like there are some instances where growth happens during adversity itself, but I’ve found that solidifying it happens in the lulls. Like, our memories are locked in during sleep, our muscles repair when we’re not lifting, and some realizations occur when space is given from a task. So taking true care of one’s self is integral in the growth process, let alone maintaining.
There’s a story of a 2 lumberjacks that had a competition to see who could chop more wood in a day. So they’re chopping and every so often, one of the lumberjacks would stop chopping, so the other would double down. Incidentally at the end of the competition, the one who had stopped had chopped more wood. When the other one asked how this was possible, he responded “When I stopping chopping, I was sharpening my axe”.
To me, this is important cause in this case, we are both the lumberjack and the axe. We grind, push, struggle, and live, but we also must take the time to take care of our tools (i.e. ourselves) so that we can continue to perform at a high level.
As always, thanks for reading and commenting!!